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Monthly Archives: August 2013

Stinky things that happen to me

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so the other day I hosted a playground circuit workout.

and I think I smelled a little like a porta potty.

at first I thought it was the porta potty. there was one at the playground.

but then I left the playground and occasionally I still smelled the potty part.

I kept sniffing. Sniffing myself, my children, my hands, my keys, my clothes. And sometimes; there it was. porta potty.

How does one acquire such an odor? Confession:

I participate in what some would call questionable workout clothing treatment. I wash after every two workouts. What??? you scream!!! that’s gross!! Well, it saves me from doing laundry every day. I’m just going to sweat in those clothes again. It’s always my sweat, I don’t loan out my workout clothes. And its hard on clothes to wash them after every wear. Aannd, I just cannot get over washing something I’ve only been in for two hours, regardless of what transpired during those two hours. So shoot me. I wash after two workouts. You can’t change me, don’t try. Me and dirt, we’re down.

So, it is possible one of my pieces of clothing had worked through more than two workouts. maybe. my hook-in-the-closet system might not be full-proof. its possible.

Where am I going with this stinky business? Well, I just want to let you moms out there know that sometimes stink happens to good moms. Among other things. You’re not alone, and you didn’t mess up. Maybe you’ve whiffed porta potty on yourself once too. I know I’ve whiffed more than that. Some nice mom said to me last week – “I think you have some oatmeal on your collar.”

Oatmeal? Gosh that was tactful of her.

Really, it was a big, crusty clump of dried snot. Not even my own. Oatmeal would have been nice.

But seriously. We mammas need to stick together. Tell each other when we stink, when we have our shorts on backwards and our shirts on inside out. We’re women and we’re moms. We should love each other more. Spread that love, forgiveness and UNDERSTANDING. Yes, be understanding, be loving, be kind. Outwardly. Don’t just think your best-mom-friend looks great, tell her. Tell her its okay to be a mess in public. It’s okay to lose patience. It’s okay to get mad at her minions. And its okay if they cry or have temper tantrums or embarrass her. She’s doing a great job at creating wonderful little people who will undoubtedly grow up to be wonderful big people. Make a mom smile. Give her warm fuzzies. She will remember that feeling all day. I can promise you that.

Below is the picture of the workout I shared the day of the porta-potty-stink. It’s visual proof that moms are experts at rolling with it. So, roll on mammas, and give warm fuzzies. And, yes, I would like you to read the workout and do it 🙂

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Okay fiiiine: Here’s the readable version; with translation for Rachel, who now really has no excuse:

20 Pike jumps into squat jumps Get in push-up position with elbows extended and legs spread a bit wider than hips. Leave hands on the ground and push feet off the ground – legs open in the air. Let them fall back to the ground, landing on feet and spring up into squat position.

Side plank with 5 knee tucks (each side)Lie on your right side with your legs straight and the left leg stacked directly on top of the right. Bend the right elbow and place it directly under your shoulder. Lift your hips and knees, and hold. If you want to make this harder, go all the way up on an extended elbow. Bend and tuck your left leg up five times, fully bending and extending each time. Repeat on the opposite side.

20 v up roll ups Lie on your back on the floor with arms by your sides and your legs extended out.
 Lift the top half of your body up off the floor, keeping your abdominals tight by having your belly button pulled in towards your spine, and reach out with your hands towards your toes. To roll down, extend your arms above your head and let your legs lift off the floor. As soon as your back touches the floor, perform the v-up: keeping your bellybutton pulled in towards your spine, exhale as you simultaneously raise your legs, arms, and shoulder blades up off the floor, touching your hands to your toes, then inhale as you lower back down to starting position.

5 up down planks – Lie on your stomach with your elbows close to your sides and directly under your shoulders, palms down and fingers facing forward. Engage your abdominal/core muscles. Slowly lift your torso and thighs off the floor or mat. Keep your torso and legs stiff. Holding your body off the floor, place one palm on the floor extending your elbow on that side, follow through with the opposite side, finishing with both elbows extended and palms on the floor. Repeat 5 times on each side.

20 side lunge jumps with opposite touchFrom standing position place left leg out to side keeping it straight and bend right knee going down into a side lunge, touch ground with left fingers. From this position jump and switch doing a side lunge on the other side, so that right leg is straight and knee of left leg is bent and touch ground with fingers of right hand.

Side plank with 5 scissors (each side)Lie on your right side with your legs straight and the left leg stacked directly on top of the right. Bend the right elbow and place it directly under your shoulder. Lift your hips and knees, and hold. If you want to make this harder, go all the way up on an extended elbow. Scissor left forward and back keeping knee extended 5 times. Switch sides and repeat.

20 skiers and 20 tuck jumpsSkier: Stand with your feet together. Jump from side to side, landing with your knees bent. The wider you jump and the lower you squat, the harder you’ll work. Tuck jump: Start with the knees bent slightly, the elbows at 90 degrees at the waist, and bend the knees and sit the butt into a half squat. Jump up straight into the air, and tuck, tucking the knees, aiming for your elbows. Land softly.

5 planks with opposite raisesWith your feet out wider than your shoulders, start to get into a push up position, but bend your elbows and rest your weight on your forearms instead of on your hands.  Your elbows should be directly under your shoulders. Keep your back straight and engage your core and glutes. Raise your left foot and your right arm off the floor, focusing on holding your hips and torso in place. Switch arms and legs and repeat. Do both sides 5 times.

REPEAT

Top Ten Reasons to Ride

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So, I’m going to diverge from running a little bit. I don’t just run with my kids, I bike with them too. I am lucky to live in a cycling mecca, and have a fantastic paved trail system right out my door. I am happy and comfortable riding on the road alone, but prefer to ride on a path when I am towing the kid trailer. Lately I’ve been riding my upcoming triathlon route with two kids in the trunk. I believe it will make me ridiculously bad ass on the ride during the race, when I’m not towing anything but my own trunk. If you can scientifically prove otherwise, please keep it to yourself until after my race in September. But, my kids’ combined weight is over 50 lbs, and the trailer weighs nearly 30, so that puts me pretty close to 80 lbs. You’re gonna need a lot of science to prove I won’t be faster without them!

Part of me would like to give all the moms out there, especially the ones who own bike trailers and don’t use them (you know who you are!), a long-winded lecture titled, “YES, you can pull your kids in the bike trailer”, but I won’t. Instead I made a fun top ten list. But really, what I am trying to tell you is: YES, you can pull your kids in the bike trailer. And you should. On our last ride I had to pull over to let Amelia take a potty break. She was lucky I even heard her, because we were on the one stretch of road we have to ride, and it is quite busy. When I heard her garbled voice behind me, I shouted back, “Amelia, we can’t talk right now! I can’t hear you because the cars are loud!” Lucky she has pipes like her mama and screamed, “I HAVE TO GO PEEEEE!!!!”

So we pulled over, I put her on the safe side of the median and told her now was a good time to “go like a bear.” Apparently bears tinkle on their shoes because that’s what she did. She was not happy with me when I told her I didn’t have anything to wipe those feet with and we’d have to finish the ride with peed on feet.

sigh.

I hope that one day these things make her a little tougher.

And that leads me to -The Top Ten Reasons to Tow Your Kids in a Bike Trailer

1: Your kids will be better kids because you ride with them. They will learn things like:

How to pee outdoors.

Or, if that never takes; how to live with pee on yourself.

The make and model of nearly every car out there (Amelia knew this by 2 1/2).

What sweat smells like.

What hard work looks like.

And, how to survive in a confined space with your evil sibling.

2. Respect. Good gawd, the looks you will get scream respect. And awe. You will be awesome, and people will look at you and not be able to hide their awe. It will make you feel like a rock star.

3. Those minions are a built-in excuse to go slow. You have a giant trailer behind you with living, breathing, questioning, bickering, singing, snacking human beings in it. They’re heavy. Pedal as you can.

4. If you do anything without the trailer you will feel as free as a bird. A giant, wingless, bad-ass bird.

5. Lance Armstrong may have been a fake, but you are not and your children will see this. They will hear you huffing and puffing, see the sweat dripping from you and be impressed, and impressed upon. Seriously. In this age of obesity we parents are the most important examples. Be a healthy one. There, I’m done with my preach.

6. I don’t understand people who don’t want to go outside. Get the F out there and play!!!

7. The jokes, sarcastic comments AND encouragement are priceless.  Every male you pass will make a joke about how that’s where he needs to be, pointing to the trailer. Well, sisters, we know he’s only half joking. Every woman will look at you with reverence and pride that you are in her tribe, and even the most spandex-clad cyclist will give you a serious nod when they pass (sorry, they will pass you).

8. This is your chance to block out those ceaseless noise makers – yes, I’m talking about your children. I am a big fan of talking, and an even bigger fan of my children, but man, I do sometimes wish they didn’t do it quite so much. So, when we’re on a ride I can tell them, quite honestly, “You can talk to each other when we’re on a bike ride. Mama can’t always hear you.” Its beautiful. It’s kinda quiet.

9. When you DO pass someone, the high will last til the end of the ride. You can seriously tap into that brief moment for at least 18 more miles. I swear it. Revel in it.

10. Your calves will be gloriously beautiful (and rock solid). We all need one gloriously beautiful body part, why not be it your calves?

Now mamas, anyone want to roll with me?