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Come on Spring! You’re Killing Me.

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I am wistful for Spring. I want to see sunshine around the corner. Yep. I got it bad. Feb. 18 is actually a little early for me to be feeling this way. I quite like cold weather. Usually I am not wanting heat until mid-March. Cold is so much more snuggly than hot weather. I like that. The snuggly bit. I like all the different kinds of snuggly; soft clothes snuggly, knitted hat snuggly, snot-nosed kid snuggly, hands around a hot cuppa snuggly, on the couch with the mister snuggly; all of it I deem wonderful. BUT, not this year. I am ready NOW. Right now!!!!

Why? Well……

It’s Winter Mark. He’s getting to me. In fact, he’s killing me. I might be ready to snap. I might be ready to ship him off, duct taped to his bicycle, to somewhere warm and sunny if it doesn’t get warm and sunny here pronto. If he comes home from work and glares at the crock pot, and then me, one more time, I might…..I might….well, I don’t know. Hurl the white chicken chili at him at the very least.

It’s gotten so bad, I really didn’t want to make him a valentine. See, it is our tradition every year to make valentines. Out of whatever. It is legal to go to the craft store for supplies, but that is it. You can’t actually buy a valentine. It must be handmade. Usually this results in some fantastic valentines. Like one year I got handmade Tibetan prayer flags – with straight from the heart verses on them. Last year I made Mark a bicycle out of hearts. Another year we made Top Ten lists. Hilarious. I totally recommend you stop buying Valentine’s Day gifts and get inventive instead. It is well worth the effort. But this year it was sooo much effort I actually asked if we could exchange valentines a day late. Yes, I did.

Hey! That’s pretty big for someone who keeps a notebook of craft ideas in her back pocket.

So, who is Winter Mark, and why is he so difficult? Well, it is the cold-weather version of my generally lovable husband. He is a cyclist. A cyclist who LOVES hot weather. I mean, he’s practically a heat-seeking missile in spandex. If he can’t spend some time on his bicycle, and a decent amount at that, he gets über cranky. And whilst I may be more of a glass half-full person, he is definitely the opposite. And in the winter he is convinced that not only is the glass half-empty, but it is cracked and leaking. It is only a matter of time before the glass is drained of anything beneficial, and he is about to freeze and wrinkle away in a wet pile of snow. I know this about my husband. I know he needs the sunshine and 90 degrees. I am usually pretty adept at handling this seasonal malfunction of his. I bake, I give extra attention, I plan fun dates, we do everything remotely possible: outside in the cold, in the snow, in the wind, with and without our kids.

But this year, as many of you know, has been a little bit colder than the usual. Cold and frozen enough to keep him off his bike much more. Usually by now he’s had at least a half-dozen bike-cleaning and tuning sessions in the living room to prep for the spring. This year he doesn’t even want to take his bike out in the crud that is all over every street corner. And this reluctance is coming from a man who rode to work in the British weather backwash for 3 years. He is not afraid of dirt and wet and sludge and farm animal detritus. He just wants to pedal hard.

So, Mother Nature, I need a  break and my husband needs a bike ride. Can you ease up on the snow and subzero temps? And I think I am not the only wife feeling this way right now. I have heard from others….be strong ladies, be strong.

This workout below is for anyone suffering from enough winter. Enough for you, enough for your kids, enough for your spouse. Enough is enough! Blow off some steam with this little number, entitled:

Come On Spring!

50 sec. on/10 sec. off (if you’d like to make this harder because you’re an even bigger glutton for punishment than I, plank for your 10 sec. rest)

1. Double crunches: Crunch your knee to your opposite elbow, go back down, and up again; this time hand to opposite toe with a straight leg. Repeat. To make this harder, never let your feet touch the ground.

2. Jumping Burpee: Take one giant double-footed jump forward, then do a burpee with a push up. When you do the final jump on your burpee, make it a tuck jump; bringing your knees up to hit the palms of your hands. Jump two small jumps back. Repeat.

3. Dive bombers. Add a push-up if you need this to be harder. They are in this video at 2:15:

4. Spider-cross push ups: in the same video at 3:25

5. Crab Touch: at 4:20

6. Jump overs: Find a box or a step, place hands on the middle and jump over from side to side keeping your legs together.

7. Elbow to knee step-up:  Step up onto a box or step, bringing your knee up to touch the opposite elbow.

8. Box Leap Frogs: Using the same box or step, stand with one leg on either side. Place your hands in the middle of the box/step and jump forward with both legs (like you’re playing leap-frog over the box)

9. Dips

10: Side plank with toe touch. Choose a side to start on in a side plank position on your hand. Kick your top leg forward and touch your toe with the hand that is not holding you up. Repeat on opposite side after :50.

When I was writing down this workout Winter Grumpersaurus saw the video of Lisa Marie doing the spider push-ups and says, “Are you and your moms going to do THAT?” I told him, yes of course 🙂

So get going!

Keepin’ It Real.

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Just to keep it real here – I’m going to replay to you the past two days. This is for all the mammas out there who might think I’ve got it all together. This is to let you know that really, I don’t. I just try to make it look that way as often as possible 😉

Things I Did Wrong Yesterday (in chronological order)

6:30 – Made 15 mini-strawberry shortcakes for Amelia’s school celebrated birthday (her real one is in July). A week early.

7:00 – Unsuccessfully communicated to the non-English speaking roofers how to install brackets on the roof for safety during Christmas light hanging. One bracket broken.

8:15 – Left house for the entire day and didn’t bring nearly enough coffee/snacks for me, kids or the dog.

11:45 – Locked keys in the car at the gas station. Yes, with children and dog.

11:55 – Said to little old lady who chastised me for not telling her I wasn’t immediately leaving the pump, “My children are in this car. They are unhappy. YOU are not my responsibility.”

Yes – I had already explained to her that my keys were locked in the car. Did she care? Nah. She had to fill her car with gas, right?

Yes – I was talking to Amelia through the car window when she approached me.

12:45 – Took us all to McDonald’s. Ordered the 20-piece nuggets and Beast-sized fries. We ate every last bite. Drank a soda large enough to fill a baby pool.

Other Things that Made the Past 48 Hours Rough (in no particular order)

1. My husband came home and said….”Our roof is brown and you cut your hair?” I don’t think it was merely an observation.

2. Cooper woke up this morning with one wicked nasty diaper. Imagine a lava flow, but instead, well, you know; running out the sides of a diaper. I should have put him to bed with a Tupperware container on his butt.

3. Amelia wet the bed. Probably due to her traumatic trip to the gas station.

4. There are 5″ of snow on the ground. Fresh snow. On May 1. I had to cancel my stroller run. I am visibly angry at Mother Nature. I am pretty sure my brow has been furrowed all day.

5. Due to aforementioned messes had to do a lot of laundry today. Accidentally threw in Cooper’s entire diaper bag. Wow. I washed a disposable diaper. Not pretty.

But there are good things that happened to me too: I possibly stumbled upon a part-time job. I did a fantastic Red Rocks workout. And I enjoyed a lovely glass of port. And tomorrow will be different, and likely better, and likely contain more port.

So, without further whining and complaining – here is the circuit workout I did Monday with my wonderful mammas.

Set 1: Run .25 mile, 20 box jumps, 20 burpees

Set 2: Grapevine .25 mile, 40 rotating lunges (20 each side)

Set 3: Squat shuffle .25 mile (switch sides half way through), 30 dips

Set 4: Run backwards .25 mile, 5 dive-bomber push-ups, 5 regular push-ups, 5 T-push-ups on each side, 5 clap push-ups.

Set 5: Hill sprints x 4. 20 bicycle crunches, 20 Russian twists, 10 Matrix, 30 second plank.


Truthfully – this isn’t the exact workout we did. I left my notebook in the car and was too lazy to go get it, so we did something very similar, but not identical. And we did not repeat it, although it was my intention. My kids were not enjoying the dirt that day. Maybe I should have recognized the signs of things to come….

And, while I’m doling out workouts. This is the Red Rocks workout we did on Tuesday night.

Warm up – Run bleachers with two sets of steps in between each row. Meaning: Run a row, run up two flights of stairs, run a row, etc. To the top.

1. Run down two sets of stairs, run up one. To the bottom.

2. Each bleacher – step up with left leg, knee up with right. Step down. Step up with right leg, knee up with left. Step down. Box jump up. Every row, to the top.

3. Run down two sets of stairs, run up one. To the bottom.

4. Run across row and back the next. 10 push ups. Run across next row and back the next. 10 bicycle crunches. Repeat to the top.

5. Run down two sets of stairs, run up one. To the bottom.

Then…Go home, snuggle your littles and your big and have a glass of port!



Lemme Break it Down

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So. Before I get too far into this thing, lemme break it down for you. This is my vision:

I want Moms, mamas, mamacitas, women with babies, tots and toddlers, women with baby bumps, women who are lactating, women who are pushing strollers, women who are wearing children, women who are wearing spit-up, women who don’t have time to tie their own shoes, and women who are aching to get out there and blow off some steam to be able to do ONE thing. EXERCISE.

That is why I post. You see, in case you haven’t noticed, I have two luverly children. They are fun, hilarious, adorable, dirty, hungry, fussy, never sleepy and oh so lovable. They also suck up my time like a finely tuned Kirby. Moving and shaking my white girl ghetto booty keeps me sane. And cute. And healthy. And HAPPY.

The workouts I post; I do. Usually on a Monday morning. With other moms and our children. Our location is top secret (but oh so public), because, well, as much as I love all the mamas of the world, if we all exercised in the same space, there’d just be far too many of us. But what I’d really like to happen is for other moms in other cities to take my workouts and make other little workout groups.

A mom I know asked me how I got my group started, and wellllll, I’m a talker. Once I get going I can’t stop!! AH! I think, back in the day, I used to be more normal about talking to other women. But then when I had kids, the dam just burst. Now, if I see you and you have a child, chances are; I will talk to you.

And I’ve learned so so very many things from all this talking and borderline stalking, but one thing stands out. We mamas; we want to be fit.

I started asking particular questions, and keeping a list of answers and names in my head. I started organizing, and offering to share what I’d organized. I started telling people about what I wanted to do and asking if anyone wanted to do it with me.

So, now you go. You, you mama reading my blog. Go find five mama friends with their little lovely children and take my workouts and go to a space, a park, a yard, a basement and DO THEM. That’s what I put them up here for.

Now, here’s another one:

Set 1:

50 Air Squats

40 Push-ups

30 Second Plank

20 Dips

10 Curtsy Squats w/ knee lift (each side)

Set 2:

50 Burpees

40 Reverse Lunges with ab twist (each side)

30 Cross Body Mountain Climbers

20 High Knees

10 Inchworms

Set 3:

50 Jump Squats

40 Triceps push-ups

30 Bicycle Crunches

20 Supermans

10 Donkey Kicks

Set 4:

50 Alternating Lunge Jumps

40 Plie Squats w/ Heel Raise

30 Knees to Elbows

20 1-Legged Dead Lift

10 Clams

This workout is from this blog:

*I’m not certified in anything other than Spinning. I’m not trained or educated in teaching or planning circuit workouts. I am not a fitness guru, I’m just a fitness junkie.